I mentioned, in my first post, that I have a sister, who passed away recently. So I decided I should dive into her story.
Magdalene Therese Ramirez, was born on May 19th, 2007. She was the first in a line, of younger siblings I was to receive. She was my first baby sister. And gosh was I excited. I remember one day, before she was born, my pregnant mother was laying on her bed, and I walked in the room and climbed on the bed. I sat right next to mom, and decided to lay my head on her stomach, quietly waiting to see if I could hear the new baby.
And then the day came, where the baby was finally coming. I don’t remember much, but I remember my grandparents took me to get ice cream, and when i came back, I had a new baby sister. I remember so clearly walking into the room, where my parents were with Maggie. I was only three years old. I entered the room, and I looked up at my dad and he said,” Do you want to hold her?” I just nodded my head and sat in a chair that was on the right of the door. I handed my ice cream to my dad and in return i was handed a baby. A baby girl. I remember thinking she looked purple and salty (for some reason, as a kid I always thought babies looked salty after they were born). Such a precious child, and she was MY baby sister. Little did I know, that our time together would be limited to ten short years.
April 15th, 2018. It was Earth Day and mom had managed to acquire a table, to set up her essential oils, for Young Living, and hopefully manage to sell some. Unfortunately, it was freezing cold that day, and we were all there. By we, I mean me, mom, Nicaea, Leo, Maggie, and even baby Gabi. The next day, Gabi woke up sick. And of course, since we are a bigger family, one of us getting sick causes a chain reaction. So, one by one we get sick. One after another. Maggie and I were the last to get sick. I recovered, but she didn’t get better. Maggie was sick for two weeks. On her first week of being sick, mom took her to the hospital, believing that she just needed to be re-hydrated. They re-hydrated Maggie and gave her medicine for nausea and she came home happier than before, because she was feeling better. While at the hospital, the nurse told mom, that if she’s not better in a few days, then she should take her to Children’s Hospital, because they have different tests they could run.
A few days later, on May 5th, my grandparents give us a surprise visit, bringing donuts and sausage rolls. We were all really excited. After we eat, we all go outside and play a game of crochet. Even Maggie was outside playing with us, but she couldn’t hit the ball. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t hit the ball. If only we had known.
After the game ends, Maggie goes inside to take a nap. While she takes her nap, my grandparents leave, and we all continue with our everyday lives. I end up in my room for awhile, listening to music. A couple hours later, I come downstairs, and spot Maggie sitting on a couch, looking miserable. Seeing her like that, I immediately knew she was feeling sick again. I ended up going to talk to mom, who’s in the office. A little while later, Maggie comes into the office crying. Crying. She said,” Mom my head hurts really bad.” Mom got up and said,” Okay I’m gonna take her to Children’s.” So we all start looking for her shoes and we quickly find them, and mom gets in the car and leaves. I can’t tell you how much I believe I should’ve been in that car with them.
Later in the day, sometime in the afternoon, dad starts yelling for me. And I have no idea why he’s yelling for me. All I can hear is,” Elizabeth! Elizabeth!” I run as fast as I can down the stairs thinking a mix of, “Crap something happened.” and “Crap I’m in trouble. What did I do.?” I was scared. I get downstairs, and dad says,” Come with me. So I follow him into his bedroom and shut the door. I follow him farther, into his bathroom. He stops and turns around. He tells me,” Mom just called me. Maggie blacked out and they had to rush her into the hospital.” And he breaks down. It was only for a few seconds, but it only took me a second to embrace my daddy in a hug and say,” It’s okay dad.” He composed himself and said,” I need to go.” I simply replied,” Dad it’s okay. You need to go now.” So he left, and I was left to care for the kids, until my aunt came to help me. She was the one, who told me that night, that Maggie had a brain tumor. I was like,” Okay.” I was just thinking like,” Oh its like a virus, it’ll go away.” So the night continued. Kids were put to bed and i took care of the baby. But my parents didn’t come home that night. The next morning, mom gets home with my grandma. She looked exhausted, so she went to lay down. not long after, dad gets home, along with Maggie’s godfather and my godmother (Aunt Lani) comes a little later. Dad sits me on the couch, and he tells me something is really wrong with Maggie.
“She has a brain tumor” he said.
“They don’t know what kind.” he said.
“We don’t know what we’re going to do.” he said.
I cried. Only for a second. I quickly composed myself.
I soon walked into mom and dad’s bedroom. Mom was laying on the bed, resting. She started to tell me the same things dad just told me. I didn’t cry this time. The only twist, to the story, was that they didn’t even think Maggie was going to make it through the night. I kept calm and left the room after mom and I talked. Soon though, I’m back in the room with dad, mom, and Aunt Lani. Dad begins to explain to us what the doctor said, after mom left. Surgery, was useless for this. Even if Maggie managed to not bleed out on the operating table, she would be a vegetable for the rest of her life, due to how much of the brain they’d have to remove to get to the tumor. The tumor, was growing on the most important part of her brain. Where all her functions are controlled. Memorization, math, etc.. There were no options that would save her. The words coming out my dad’s mouth broke me.
“She’s never going to wake up?” i asked.
And that’s when I started actually crying. My Aunt Lani just hugged me as I cried whispering,” I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Regrets began to fill my head.
I didn’t play with her.
I acted horrible towards her.
I never said I love you.
I never said goodbye.
I had to see her before it was too late.
Mom and dad started making phone calls. Telling people what was happening. Unfortunately, Nicaea was eavesdropping at mom’s door while she was on the phone. She heard Maggie had a tumor. She was immediately hysteric. She kept trying to run out the front door yelling,” I’m going to my sister!” and “Take me to my sister right now!”
Around noon is when we left. Mom told me before we left,” You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” I told mom,” I have to go. Even if i don’t want to be there, I don’t care. I need to be there.” So we all left. And I am glad my parents let me go. Because I would not be here if i hadn’t gone.
We get to the hospital, sign in, and head up to her room. As i turned the corner, from getting off the elevator, I am able to see so many familiar faces. On the left is all my family. In front of me and to the right, are all dad’s friends from a church group he used to go to. The look on their faces, showed so much sympathy, but they also shone with care for me and my family. They all came up one at a time and hugged me and then went to my parents and siblings.
Before we could go into the hospital room though, an employee took us aside, and showed the kids pictures of the machines in Maggie’s room (to prepare them to go in). The entire time, I’m wondering how this lady can make it sound like everything is okay. The kids didn’t know how serious it was. I did though, and I couldn’t understand why she would make it sound like everything would be okay. Finally a picture of Maggie was shown. It was incredibly hard to see just the picture.
After she’s done showing us the pictures, we’re shown into the room, where Maggie is.
And right at that moment,
my heart broke.
There lay my little sister. Wires covering her. A tube down her throat, keeping her alive. Stitches in her head, where they had to perform a small surgery, in order to attempt to lower the pressure in her brain. She was covered in a blue flowered blanket. A stuffed cat next to her.
I didn’t want this.
All day, I spent as much time as I could in her room. Holding her hand. Occasionally kissing her shoulder and telling her that I love her and I am so grateful for the door she opened up for me. At some point I sang to her, along with my uncle’s fiance.
That evening, it was time to take my beloved sister off life support.
All of our family, was gathered in that small, white hospital room, along with Maggie’s godmother and god sister, and a couple of close family friends.
I stood at the foot of her bed. Dad stood on Maggie’s right, and mom lay in the bed with her. Her hand on Maggie’s chest. The nurses removed the tubes from her throat, and I watched as the color faded from Maggie’s body. The only things that I remember hearing, is daddy praying and mom moaning. I did nothing but cry. I didn’t move. I was still.
This is like a movie.
I can’t believe this is happening.
She’s really leaving.
I’m crying. I could’ve screamed. But I cried. Crying because the little girl I’ve had in my life since i was three years old, was leaving me. Crying because I should’ve done better. I should’ve played with her. Should’ve said I loved her. My heart laying in pieces. The color drained from her face. There was no more life in her. She had gone to heaven. She could be happy. She was free. She wasn’t lost anymore. She had won the battle. She beat Satan. She beat the world.
It was done.
Magdalene Therese Ramirez died at 7:31 pm May 6th, 2018.
I immediately, make my way through the crowd of people. Once I reach her, I grab her hand.
Just about the first thing daddy says is,” Christ is Risen.”
Late that night, mom, Maggie’s godmother, and my grandma (mima), began to help clean Maggie up. I simply watch. I hold Maggie’s hand. It’s cold. Lifeless. I had no desire to let go. When they’re done bathing her, Maggie is, at that point, covered from the neck down in a white sheet. A white towel wrapped around the top of her head.
She looks beautiful.
She looks at peace.
I told mom,” Mom. She looks like a nun. She got to be one after all.”
Around 11-12 that night is when we left the hospital. I didn’t want to let go. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to stay and hold her. I wanted to lay in bed with her and sleep with her, like she had asked me to do many times before. But I couldn’t. It was time to go. I gave her a kiss goodbye and whispered,” Goodnight.”
My sister meant and means so much to me. She meant the world to me. And I should have treated her so much better. I regret the things I did. I wish I was a better sister to her. I would have died for Maggie. For any of my family. But for some reason God kept me here. I don’t know why, but I know that whatever is in store for me, Maggie will be here to pull me up. She’s always here for me. When I’m crying I can hear her telling me,” It’s okay meyou.” and I can feel her hugging me. My sister is an angel now. And I’m so proud of her.
This photo is from the day Maggie was born. Me and my little sis.
Maggie is on the right, Gabi is in the middle, and I am on the far left. That picture was taken three weeks before she died.
And this picture was taken a month or so ago, at her grave.
I’m so glad she’s safe. Glad she’s happy.
Alright guys, thank you for taking time to read this. Have a great week!
– Elizabeth (meyou)
Rosie's Writing 